Every year, as spring comes and the boxes of matzah appear on grocery store shelves, my social media feed fills with reminders to start cleaning early. Memes about flourless treats abound, pictures of the perfect Seder plate crop up, and my stomach twists into knots.
Our cycle of holidays is a back and forth of feasts and fasts, giving rise to the old mantra, “they tried to destroy us, they failed, let’s eat!” While I deeply enjoy many of these holidays, I must admit that I feel less than thrilled about Pesach, especially when compared to the others.
This stems from the fact that there is no easy way for me to walk into a Seder, be it hosted by a friend or my community, and admit my uncomfortable truths. I have struggled with anorexia and other eating disorders since elementary school and, despite five plus years of recovery, the Seder table feels less like a symbol of liberation and more a personification of my neuroses around food. [continue reading…]