Howard Blas
The profile of bar and bat mitzvah recently got a boost thanks to Adam Sandler’s 2023 movie You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah. While the movie takes a playful look at how plans for a girl’s bat mitzvah unravel over a popular boy, the institution of bar and bat mitzvah has been around for generations and is quite natural, simple, and free from drama. There are many options for making bar and bat mitzvah “customized” to the needs of each learner.
Many bar and bat mitzvahs take place in a synagogue or temple on a Saturday morning. Since the Torah (biblical scroll) is read on other days including Mondays, Thursdays, Jewish holidays, and the first day of each Hebrew month, b’nai (plural for bar and bat mitzvah) mitzvah may be celebrated on a variety of days and in a range of settings. Reading from the Torah is not a requirement. I like to tell families that you don’t “get” bar mitzvahed or “have” a bat mitzvah—you “become” b’nai mitzvah”—even if you stay in your pajamas, under the covers when you turn 13 (12, traditionally, for girls) on the Hebrew calendar.
Many families of children with disabilities are panic stricken when they think of bar or bat mitzvah down the road for their child. They are relieved when they learn they have numerous meaningful options to mark this special rite of passage. Filmmaker Ilana Trachtman, who directed the film “Praying with Lior,” about the bar mitzvah of a young man with Down Syndrome, and I are editors of and contributors to A Different Spirit: The Essential Guide for Creating Meaningful Bnai Mitzvah for Children with Disabilities. Contributors include educators, clergy, people with disabilities and other content area experts. Behrman House Publishers has scheduled publication for February 2025. For those envisioning or planning a bar or bat mitzvah for a person with a disability, remember that there are options—pick a day, venue and format which works for them. Children who are non-speaking can use augmented communication devices, Power Point presentations or other assistive technology. Music lovers can play or incorporate music. Those with skills in art can offer an interpretation of the weekly Torah portion or holiday through art. The key is the entire “village” to come together to celebrate the b’nai mitzvah joining the adult Jewish community.
Howard Blas currently serves as director of the National Ramah Tikvah Network of the National Ramah Commission. Howard serves as a teacher of Jewish Studies and bar/bat mitzvah to students with a range of disabilities.
